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10 Free Food Survival Tips

written by mikeymushi 15th May 2012

I have always loved free food and I decided to write a short survivers guide on this important skills of getting this free food.
Why free food?Well for starters ,its free and then again its food ,come on guy.

Free food 101
Lets start with the basics of free food.First we define the word (Free) as a complimentary thing costing nothing.Meaning you are getting something out of nothing with no effort whatsoever .Then (Food) which is any substance that is edible and will not kill you immediately .This is roughly between the time of eating and the eventual heart attack .
Together the two words create something that is both better than food and something free (Free Food).I am so passionate about free food I took time to do an indepth research on how to score some of this awemighty substance.

Survival Tips

1. Join a club or group

Here you simply join a club that your sure offers snacks during meetings.Examples of such clubs are the scouts and drama clubs.Also Alcoholic Anonymous is a good choice.Those guys always have free food waiting for you.
All you have to do is show up in time, never ask questions,look concerned about issues and finally eat as if your not dying of hunger.
The types of free foods found are:Cookies,Tea,chrips,Biscuits ,Sandwiches and coffee.

2. Go to random events and activities
This varies from seminars,openings,launches,retreats and school events.Well here all you have to do is show up and look like your are involved in whatever is going on.This is a real score because you can get a full meals. If you are lucky you can even get Free Dessert “Still under research”.Types of food found are:chicken,lamb chops,beef,beer and any other meal depending on your luck.

3. Go to church. 
The church is a sure way of making sure you at least get to eat free food once a week.You have to love christians because they will feed you like its the end of the world. So take the time and visit a church.Try to survive through the mass,summon or prayers for a few hours and your home free,or should I say your home to free food.Here are a list the of the church to score free food:Salvation Army,Seventh day Adventists,Jehova witnesses,Roman catholics and Anglicans.The main rule for hunting is  the bigger the church the better the food.

4. Go to restaurants on free food days
Here one uses the power of information.All you have to do is find out when they give out free food.Better yet you can just hang around the joint till you get lucky.

5. Become a regular 
If you frequent a place enough, you should get to know the owner, manager, and staff. While you shouldn’t expect to eat an entire meal for free, I’ve gotten free appetizers, drinks, etc. in the past. It’s even better if you already know someone who works there, because you get the free food benefits immediately. As a last option you can always go on your knees and beg.Types of food is too wide to list so use your imagination.

6. Supermarket Samples

Visit supermarkets with free samples and treats .If you are looking for a quick appetizer these are the best places to randomly visit.All you need to do is have a jacket that you can keep putting on and taking off while you go back for another go.Supermarkets offer many samples so make sure its edible stuff first.

7. Find a boyfriend/girlfriend
If you’ve got a significant other, you’re pretty much guaranteed free food on at least one day of the year your birthday. Then there are those other days like Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, half-birthdays, or whatever other crazy things you choose to celebrate. Depending on your relationship, you’ll either get free food or the satisfaction of paying for your partner’s free food but always be hoping for free food .During a break up make sure its during a free meal.That way you will not loose a  out totally.

8. The dumpster 
I didn’t want to go there,but if it comes to it well at least you have a guide on Dumpster Survival 101.The ruels are simple, but can save your life.Just make sure its edible,not moving ,organic and not having more than 10 bites before you start your meal.Also having a spare Hobo costume will help you blend with the environs.

9.Weddings

My personal best are weddings.Here is the mother load of all free food.It also has the simplest rules to follow:Gate crush,eat,get drunk,try to get laid,make a toast to the bride and groom and finally vanish.Weddings also have the best types of food from Indian cuisine to traditional Africa meals and not forgeting the cake.

10. Go home 
If all else fails go back home.You know what they say east west home is best.Be the prodigal child and go home to mummy and daddy ,who are the source of all free food.

Follow the survival guide and you will definitely get a free meal soon.

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